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Thinga are getting strange,   
01:54am 29/08/2010
mood: confused
My dad has never been there for me. My mother has always been known for wanting to kill him. She hits him everytime we are around him.His mother,father,and roommate/mate? have all died in the past couple months.

He was the hugest liar when I was a child. I would wait up on holidays waiting for him appear, and my mom always told me he wasn't going to appear. But being a child you don't think they wouldn't appear. After all you are their baby princess .You give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't believe anyone has ever dissappointed me more than my father.

But he has been coming around alot lately. It's extremely weird. We went to dinner last night and I expected it to be the wierdest meal I'd ever had. Pretty awkward. We had never had a family meal that I could remember.

Today as mom and I were coming home he called and said he was cutting some bushes down that were hitting my car from time to time. I left him and mom alone..

They went on a date...I don't understand what's going on..It's strange.

I mean my Aunt Debbie did tell me thehappiest she had ever seen my dad was with my mom..and my mom did say today that she had lovedhim but he had shit on her..but...

Fuck, its maddness.
It's definately been awhile.   
01:43am 16/06/2010
mood: calm
Alot really has happened since I last posted on here. I got laid off..got my job back..lost it again..I'm still jobless as of right now. Hopefully will be getting it back soon. I've been hanging out with my best friend Micheal constantly even though he has a girlfriend now. I don't really now. I guess shes okay and all. Had a boyfriend but got rid of him for being a jackass.My Zachary Binks came up a couple months ago and spent the weekend with me.=) I did miss him alot. He is still everything to me and that will never change.Of course he has a girlfriend now and hasn't talked to me in awhile. Typical Zach when he's in a relationship,but as long as he's happy I guess. Soon I'll be on the right track and going to college finalyl to be a Nutritional Anthropologist. =D.

Btw. R.I.P Peter Steele. He was a sexy man with an orgasmic voice.
no more drama please. thank you   
12:56am 27/01/2009
mood: crushed
so the dude has just been talking about random chicks. cool whatever... i guess. except for the fact im sitting there wondering" what the fuck does she have that i dont?". i mean i would basically die for him. i care about him like i never have cared for anyone. he found some chick at work at i " would probably get along with" apparently. i cant even fathom in my mind wtf he is thinking. this chick he is sitting here googliy eyed over which isnt even remotely attractive. i mean shes skinnier than me but no. i cant do that at all. i cant make friends with someone that has something i tried so hard for. that just pisses me off alot. i guess i gave him the evil eye or the cold shoulder. i really dont have the strength to deal with all this. i honestly don't. when i saw him with her coming in from break i was about to just pull him aside and let loose of all the shit built up in my brain. i have cried over him wondering what i did and what i didnt do. i try my damnedest but it gets me no where. i gave up but theres a part of me that will never let go. i trusted him enough to have sex with him. i mean sex might not mean alot to some people but i hate the way i look. i hate myself i really do. to have enough trust in him to do that is alot.i wouldnt wish the sight of my naked body to even my worst enemy.im the shyest person though it doesnt seem so. apparently none of that really matters. im trying not to end up a crazy bitch but its getting to the point that i just cant handle it. it took everything to go to work today and i usually love my job. and he is appart of it. some days i would just go in because i love talking to him.its not even really his appearance anymore. doesnt hurt. the fact that there is someone with intelligence around here amazes me. i texted him tonight and sarcastically stated i thanked him for leaving me with right parties(collections) for a project that isnt even mine. he replied back with "of all the people you blame me after cold shouldering me all day? and the evil eye when i tried to chitchat?".i called him and we had this almost hour conversation and i hope to god it made him feel like shit. fucking months of me trying to figure out and change for him.i just wanted to be what he wanted. so now i stay constantly fucked up to keep from it overloading my mind.everytime i go over to his place i want to tell him . just let it loose. everytime we get high and i forget. i did it in small doses apparently til tonight,i cant seem to get over it at all...
04:22pm 27/12/2008
mood: lonely
So I thought I found the one thing that would break the infatuation spell. It did...for awhile. I was still intriguied (spelled wrong). That's the thing with women. All women infact. We find that one thing that we don't like and thrive on it til it pisses us off to the point we just can't deal with it. It didn't work though. WTF?!?

I had wrote him a letter awhile ago. 2nd chance and all. I hung out with him last night. The usual shit and I woke up confused. Why hasn't he like tried anything?

texted him:"I have a question. 2nd try just over or have you just been unaffectionate?" and i recieved back

J-"just no real spark so..yea. i guess.thought you had the same feeling on the matter?".

Reply="Lol. Still haven't gotten over you honestly..."


..Can I really not win just once? I really don't understand why we would try again if..gah. I don't know.I fucking just don't get it.I really did cry.This is insanity.
so yeah   
12:19am 01/07/2008
mood: awake
been working my ass off. i hate the sight of a computer the past couple weeks. i rarely get on one after work.only so much you can stand after being on one for 8 to 12 hours, it gets unbarable.

i realized it is really funny when i try to message one of my many ex's jd. he gets offline. i find it fucking hilarious.though i did nothing to him and the whole..lets be friends thing. i say good job to him. what a retarded jackass.

but i do believe its time for my to sleep. i have to get up early and go to work like the rest of the world that isnt bums so i can pay bills and support my habits.

and i get to go see nin. cause you know. i rock.
=(RIP Graham Davis   
09:23pm 10/03/2008
mood: sympathetic
So this is the story, I went to middle school with this guy. I had the hugest crush on him forever and I was friends with him. Well after middle I never asw him much. I casual hello since he went to a different high school. He played football at south and all. then today as david was taking me to work she calls and says," did you know a graham davis".."yes why"..." he died."..wtf...

R.I.P Graham Davis

A Kingsport man was injured in a single-vehicle crash on West Carters Valley Road around 6:25 Tuesday morning.

Graham Davis, 20, was westbound in a 1999 Ford F150 when the truck left the road on a curve and rolled after striking a utility pole, according to a Sullivan County Sheriff's Office press release.

Davis was not wearing a seatbelt and was ejected, Elton said.

He was transported to Holston Valley Medical Center for treatment of serious injuries.

Graham Davis, Kingsport.
Graham Davis, 20, of Kingsport, died on Saturday at Wellmont Holston Valley Hospital, Kingsport, from injuries sustained from a automobile accident. Visitation will be from 3 to 7 p.m. on Tuesday at the Carter Trent Funeral Homes, 520 Watauga Street, Kingsport. Funeral services will follow at 7 p.m. in the chapel. Committal services will be held at 11 a.m. on Wednesday in East Lawn Funeral Home Memorial Park, Kingsport.
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its been awhile.   
01:39am 26/01/2008
mood: calm
i havent been on here in FOREVER. but I got a job. I work alot. I am a collector for Bank of America. So if you can a call from an annoying asshole from a company called ACT..then yep thats me,but it pays well. Finally got insurance and all that. Life is looking up.but i really thought this convo had enough retardedness to make a blog.
hager: go to bed
cyndi: hey, do me a favor!
hager: what
cyndi: give me a good defination for puss flaps
hager: a fat womans vag lips?
cyndi: give me a good hager defination
hager: when a woman is so fat her vagina has rolls...
cyndi: lol!
hager: lmmfao
hager: that even made me bust out in laughter.
hager: i totally lold.
cyndi: lmao
cyndi: so if fat women have vagflaps what do fat men have?
hager: i dont know you tell me.
cyndi: youre the genius
cyndi: cock caves
cyndi: lmao
hager: ask frankie.
cyndi: eww! fuck no
hager: lmmfao
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11:30am 03/10/2007
mood: tired
~*~CYN~*~ says:
GO DIEGO GO!!!!!!!!!
Hager says:
Hager says:
im totally gonna scream that at kelly next time i see him
~*~CYN~*~ says:
~*~CYN~*~ says:
ah those bo bo brothers
Hager says:
~*~CYN~*~ says:
i got a different one one dqay
~*~CYN~*~ says:
it was applejacks
~*~CYN~*~ says:
put just once out of the 4
Hager says:
~*~CYN~*~ says:
why the hell are the rescuing otters!? mother fuckers can swim!!
Hager says:
Hager says:
from getting eatin by the salmon.
~*~CYN~*~ says:
Hager says:
them salmon are VICIOUS!
~*~CYN~*~ says:
id say so in mating season
Hager says:
id like to have a salmon patty.*sigh* slathered in ketchup and some crackers.
~*~CYN~*~ says:
eww....i could do without the ketchup
~*~CYN~*~ says:
i just made 2500 watching diego
Hager says:
that deserves a lj entry
~*~CYN~*~ says:
could it get any better? *sarcasm*   
03:24am 04/09/2007
mood: depressed
well my big taby cat puddin has a shattered pelvis and jsut when i thought it couldnt get worse...mom wakes me up tonight and tells me she thinks hitler got hit by a car and is dead.and he was. and i cried for hours upon hours. i loved that cat. =\so ill have to bury him tomorrow.crying again.wonderful,but yeah.

RIP Hitler.
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01:12am 19/08/2007
mood: indescribable
MansonWOOkie: ok I just saw a porn video to the soundtrack of "beautiful" by christina aguilera and had to share with someone. because that is really weird
myheartishinohio: lmmfao!?
MansonWOOkie: "don't you bring me downnnnnn"
MansonWOOkie: hahaha
myheartishinohio: and he shoved her head down on his dick
MansonWOOkie: heh.
myheartishinohio: hahahahahaha
MansonWOOkie: good stuff

Amazing.I've been hanging out with Ricky alot since my car is going to cost 2065$ to get fixed which I believe is horseshit.I was already in debt to pay for it.So I am carless right now.My injuries are slowly gettin better. Last night was awesome.It was my birthday.Cyndi came and got me after she got off work.We went and picked up Kelly. Came back to Kpt and got completely trashed. Kelly sat on my back and gave me my birthday smacks on the ass.XD It hurt like a bitch and he hurt my fingers more because I was pulling his leg hairs and he accidently hit my fingers.But yeah, it was interesting.
Tonight I went to walmart with my aunt and she bought me Blaqk Audio's cd.Which totally rocks,and Ricky came by but I was gone.Makes me sad.=( Cause he makes me happy in some odd way...
09:33pm 23/07/2007
mood: angry
i had a job,made new friends and all.quit the like thursday i was in a wreck.ill update this post better when i actually have use of my right hand back.but for now this will have to do.

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I don't understand. Seriously.   
02:43am 02/04/2007
mood: bitchy
Wtf? I don't get why guys are drawn to the bi-polar bitches with no common sense. Do I have to go through a process to lower my intelligence to actually get someone?.

This is all bullshit. Fuck society and their standards.
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02:42am 22/03/2007
mood: tired
I met a new person in Gate City. Yeah, he's pretty hot.lol. Tonight I went to Tylers with Cyndi. Good times.XD. but yeah. My life is pretty boring. Been playing Sudeki alot. Ending sucks. But yeah I have to stay up til 5:30.
09:02pm 28/02/2007
mood: blank
I had a boyfriend.lol. for a whole week. I'm telling ya. I'm doing well in life. At least it was over Valentines though. I've met alot of people lately but still..none of them compare to my old friends. I need to go see them soon. Makes me realize how much they really do mean to me. I'm used to being alone again. I mean..I was for a long time before that. Doesn't matter. I hung out with Zachary Binks and Brookerz the past couple days. Cept today. I hate to say it but I still do like Zach.It kind of bothers me,because yeah..He is my best friend. I dunno,but yeah...I do believe I'm gonna go smoke.
You know what..   
11:33pm 27/01/2007
mood: irritated
It's not worth it. I am just going to keep things to myself from now on. Fuck family. This is the biggest pile of shit ever. Even though they ratted on me. I refuse to lower myself like they did and tell shit on them.
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i havent updated in awhile. so i figured i would...   
09:11pm 19/01/2007
mood: bored
It's been quite boring lately. I got my license,but no money to actually do anything.I need a job.My nights have been full of well..nothing much. I suppose I should start drawing again.At least I would have something to occupy my time. I've been having alot of panic attacks lately. I have no clue why. They seem to be getting worse. That's one reason I don't really go anywhere.Plus my car,as pretty as it is, dies sometimes.Or I should say doesn't want to start to begin with at times,and I would hate the be somewhere I'm not supposed to be or in the middle of a highway when it does. Planning on getting that fixed soon,whatever it may be. Power steering pump or belt for one. then yea..I dunno, but I hope it doesn't randomly die,because even though it's got problems. I love having the freedom to go somewhere when I really need to.Those places just aren't long distances.lol.I have realized I don't really have many friends around here anymore. They all scattered out and I don't talk to any of them anymore. Some of them are still in highschool and I talk to them if they flag me down at the mall. I need more friends to hang out with. It's nice when I get to go hang out with Tyler,but that's only when his mom is working.Zach stopped coming over,he got yet another job.So I don't know.Life is just ughish right now. I've been going to bed when the sun comes up and getting up when it goes down. I don't really remember the last time I saw the sun.

I need a vacation...
10:35pm 04/01/2007
  life is slowly getting very uninteresting  
Knew it was too good to be true.   
03:22pm 22/12/2006
mood: disappointed
And of course nothing ever works out in my favor. I should have known better than to have such high hope. Oh well.
10:15pm 16/12/2006
mood: happy

Me and Zachary..lol
04:17pm 08/12/2006
mood: cranky
life has got more and more interesting lately..yes yes..
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